kalan_vod wrote:
PLEASE DON'T HURT YOURSELF OR ANYTHING BAD! THINGS WILL GET BETTER EVENTUALLY! WE ALL LOVE YOU AND DO NOT WISH FOR YOUR LIFE TO BE GIVEN UP ON! PLEASE STAY ALIVE AND IF YOU COULD STAY HERE TOO AS WE DO REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would go on, but I am hopeing the staff will not get upset with my huge font.
same feelings here.
I was pretty upset a few years ago about having no friends, but after some time I said to myself: "Why do I care?". So then I started smiling and knowing that I am ME and I dont care about other people too much. And I did get some friends because of that attitude.
We are all learning how to live so mistakes are made or keep being made untill we learn something new about life that was missing. In the mean time, you can live through these pains knowing that nobody has full control over your hapiness. They can make it harder or easyer on you, but you will eventually learn to enjoy solitude, making new friends, having them, having yourself as a friend, or anything you want to to enjoy your life as you like it.
Yes, some things hurt, but it's the other things you discover in life that make it definately worth living. No single thing should make your entire life miserable, you can always create a new thing that makes you happy. And that can be anything you want, all it takes is thinking of, seeing, hearing, or doing something you like. Then focus and take it in, observe that life is more than the things that hurt you.
Well I havn't felt suicidal or anything like that since Tuesday, and things have been doing much better between Drew and I; we're finally working out things.. sometime we're going to talk out everything, but yesterday he gave sincere apologies (and spent the entire class crying, which was sucky for both of us). Today we talked during lunch and started to admit problems we've had, that some things were both our fault, and started joking about some of the problems. We'll have trouble getting a time to talk to each other though since his parents are being really restrictive on where he's allowed to go now (they think he's doing drugs at wesley's house, which we all know is completely wrong).
So yeah, I'm doing better, I've even been in happy moods, but I still have mood swings. Until next time..
Okay, I'm about to do something I know is stupid, but I feel that it's about time I do because if I don't then I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to. If I repeat something in the "rebuttle" posts that is because this is a response to the original post. Forgive me...
Okay, DarkAuron, see, it goes like this... you're not the only one, you're NOT the only depressed one, NOT the only one without friends (or better yet, in my case I have friends but I hate them to the point of insanity) Hell, just today I wrote a 5 page letter explaining how I can't stop thinking about this person (in your terms as above about love, then I'm in love because I fit all those criteria) but I know they don't feel the same way and every day it tears me up inside to the point of severe phisical pain. I have been depressed, and diagnosed with bi-polar depresson more than once (which if you haven't had it is the worst because the severe diffrence between moods is devastating) and have been EXTREMELY close to the edge more than once in the past 2 days... Coming tomorrow is gradecards wich meand that my calcs will once again get taken away and I might not be able to go to the library (computer access) for a long time thus seperating me from one of the 2 things keeping me alive. So there goes another notch off my "surviving line" and this just set me off... I'm not angry but acually saddend (I hate to say it, but I've cried 2 times today, and once is now) the thought of losing you as a friend would crush me... not that I'm saying that you HAVE to listen to me or anything of the sorts. No, just consider this... that the connection you have made in the minds and hearts of people goes deeper than you might know, saying you have no friends is a damned lie, okay? YOU ALWAYS have friends, even if you can't see them or speak in person they are there... got it? As much as I hate to admit (my "friends" that drive me insane would kill me) I would probably fall for you on one of my off days (were I think that maybe liking girls is the wrong path) but for now you are one of my best friends, so keep that in mind that people out there DO care even if it isn't evednt always
Good to hear that things are getting a bit better, DarkAuron!
If life's being a bitch, just kick it in the nuts, and laugh in it's face!
... okay, that didn't make much sense, but it's the positive attitide that matters
DA, I didn't know you were gay until I read that post. That being said, I was a little bit shocked as I continued reading. But then I realized that since I didn't know you were before, why should that change what my opinion of you is? And I can now say it doesn't I think. I'm sorry you are in such a bad position in life and I hope you'll come out of it. Please, DON'T commit suicide. Remember, we're with you.
I have to agree with CDI. We all have our problems. It's just how we deal with them that make us who we are.
Look at it this way, you probably have more friends than me. Even in the Ti Community. (actually especially in the Ti-Community because among my wave of noobs, I'm the least productive and some people in the community don't like me for that. other people who started learning at the same time as me have created very advanced games already. I'm still really bad compared to them)
You've won a lot of respect. I can't even get people at my school to respect my work. Then I realized the problem might not be them, but me. Sometimes the answer lies in yourself. Because the problems aren't always on the outside, but sometimes it's hidden deep within.
Thats great. Good to see your doing well. Life will always get better. Highschool is only four years. Compared to the rest of your life, thats only about 5%.
Believe it or not I'm also depressed sometimes and even suicidal once in a blue moon. I have gotten better with being less and less suicidal (certain substances have helped). When I was about 11 I even atempted suicide, but as you can see, I failed. I have never had good friends that you had. My closest friend I have, I haven't even went over to his house. I have gotten more inconversation to people on IRC more than "real" life. I never even had a "real" girlfriend.
Program status:
Undecided program idea- 0%
UNO (terminated)- 50%
Buddhist guy gives speaches on all kinds of stuff in life with pratical examples of how to deal with things and some humor here and there. They record it on mp3 and video. He's funny, and it's nice to listen to.
In fact, I think I'll listen to one after a shower now, just listening (not hearing, listening) usually makes me happy. Might work for you too.
I recommend:
Tearing The Hinges Off The Door To Your Heart
To Hell With Punishment
The Ending of Relationships
Loneliness
Emptiness
Compassion And Stillness
thank god (or whatever you call a god (which in my case it would be hitoshi or whatever)) you are stil there. I really hope it works out well DA and if u ever need support we are always there.
that smiley is the greatest smiley ever concieved of...
